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Naan Bread Jesus


Went for a Sunday swim in Sturgeon

where they it’s hard to spot a virgin.

The sauna and the soak were immaculate,

the water warm like ejaculate.

That’s what Nick Gratton said.


Janice in the No Frills buying food. 

Abbey said Jack called daddy a dude.

I’m sitting at the wheel making deals

with the kids in the back eating happy meals.

Save daddy a nugget.


Home and dinner’s looking great. 

There’s butter chicken on my plate

and something warm coming from the oven -

hot and moist and chewing lovin’.

Get the ghee.


Audrey threw a hunk of naan at me,

and the face of Christ was plain to see.

He had fat cheeks and bulgy eyes. 

I guess the yeast is what made him rise.


Naan bread Jesus…


Then Jack tried to steal a piece. 

Said he’d share it with his cousin Elysse.

I tried to save it but I missed. 

That’s a half a pound of holy eucharist

on the linoleum.


Left him on the counter overnight. 

Next morning I tried to take a bite.

I nearly chipped a tooth.  He was hard as sin. 

I guess rigor mortis had set in.

I knew what I had to do.


Before he gets too worn and raggy,

I’m gonna put him in a zip lock freezer baggy.

The faithful and sick from far away

will come to toast the bread and pray.

There’s one born every minute.


They’ll come in droves.  They’ll come in hordes

like Medjugorje or Lourdes

and leave their wheelchairs in the ditch

and their hearing aids and their winter itch.

We’ll make a mint.


The lame will walk and the blind will see

and the dumb will talk and the plugged will pee. 

And it won’t be long before there’s crutches and urine

all over my lawn.

© Audsongs 2014

Instant classic.  570 views and counting.

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